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thanks everyone, for your lovely comments.

I had the EEG, and got the results. There was a significant amount of background noise which was consistant with my medication but at a level that isn't doing any damage to my brain. There were no lesions, scar tissue or tumors. So it basically came up clean. Found out that a psuedo siezure can be just as bad as a grand mal, but the only thing is that it will never be fatal. been given a dose of valium 3 times a day which has so far kept things at bay. The next step is te first siezure clinic, and to see what they say. I am under the impression that further diagnosis will hinge on what they look like, as i was asked to have someone who had seen them with me or contactable by phone. And I told her that my father will be taking me, and will be with me, and is a paramedic, and she said that would be wonderful. Everyone has been very careful to ensure that they say "now I am not saying it is this....." before they launch into whatever theories. and I just napped for 3 hours.

I just want it fixed.

real life medical

I have a condition called Secondary Addisons Disease. And it is really rare. I'm going to be on corticosteroids for the rest of my life. And today I had the first EEG because I have been having tonic clonic grand mal siezures. the big whoopy do ones where your not concious and your eyes roll back in your head and your completly disoriented for quite some time. I'm scared that I'm going to end up with epilepsy as well. I'm really worried its going to screw wth my medication regime. my next EEG will be sleep deprived, because if I dont sleep I usually end up having a big siezure. I dont know whether I should be comforted that at least epilepsy can be treated. My greatest fear is its going to be something else really rare and hard to treat in conjunction with everything else. Sometimes I get that feeling of why the fuck does all this wierd stuff happen to me. If this stops me from going back to uni I am going to spit nails.


I got into uni! Again!

At this stage I am doing a semester of a Bachelor of Arts and transferring into the Bachelor of Legal studies.

Unless on enrollment day there may be an easier way into Legal, as I've already done most of the first year. They said to bring my transcripts in.

And now I really have to get back to inking.


here is an invite to my facebook page that I sell my art through. If you are on facebook, please come and have a look, and if you want, add me and just put a note that you are from LJ.  got stuffed over by centrelink and am in pretty dire financial straits at the moment,
so please, come and have a look, tell your friends, etc.


thanks guys xx


I'm still drowning in the DARK, and all the wierd siezures and episodes I get from it, but I have one good thing.

I have finally started my inkwork again.

it would be nice to bring in some extra cash.


oh we are maudlin today....

It's been a rough couple of weeks.

my diagnosed major depressive disorder that seemed to be under control went absolutely haywire.

I'm on more meds that make me sleepy and unmotivated, and it takes so much energy just to not scream.

I dont know who I am right now. Am I the polite, ready to help out with a smile and ready to launch into some intellectual conversation, the smile plastered on like a mask along with the "I'm fine how are you?" that tastes like one of my more foul tasting meds melted in the back of my mouth.

Or am I the one who is reading horror stories and thrillers and horrible, horrible things that dont phase me because what my brain creates with these episodes is far more frightening than anything I face on a page.

If I dont know, how can anyone else?

star wars tpm h/c gen fic. my first.

I'm back!

I'm back from the long unplanned hiatus!

meds and real life got away from me
and I just dumped B from the states.
and I feel free.
no more even letters being a pipe dream.
still and A team fan, still an AiW fan. And now I have found another OTP in qui gon and obi wan. Oh dear.
Sooooo much catching up to do on the F list.
Now to hope I can de bug the lappy and not have to reformat. cos I really dont want to do that....

and the song search continues...

So my song list has changed as the theme I'm going with has..

its more darker... sort of borderline obsessive, that I'll protect you and be yours but no one else can have you sort of thing. So far I have I'll be your by placebo thanks to danang, and pet by a perfect circle. definitely into the more heavier realm, but not metal.

any ideas peeps?


hey hey

long time no speaky.

I've been on a bit of a ...thing lately. kind of like agoraphobia.

but I have a request to make, dear friends of mine.

I am thinking of trying my hand at making vids, and I need a song. So what is your favourite "i'll watch over you/protect/guard you" type song? or any songs you know of that fit that sort of theme. becaus emy music knowledge as to what is kicking around these days is appalling.